|
| |
|
“Go get me the paper stretcher.” - My Dad, getting rid of me at age 15
|
| |
|
|
|
-
On my away home yesterday, a small sign caught my eye. "Church For Sale." It was in front of a little brick church with browning grass and sparse landscaping. It…
-
It's the new millennium and has been for quite a few years. The definition of what constitutes a man is being rewritten on a daily basis. Not only is he…
-
Yeah, you heard me right: Dre not as good as Cube. I overheard this the other day out in public. I don't know about you but I didn't need to…
-
I heard someone talking yesterday about how this pastor and his church owned half a city block and had a membership of more than five thousand people. By "Big City"…
-
Some might disagree but they'd be wrong. There are other condiments that run a close second but as far as I am concerned, ketchup is the most important food accompaniment…
-
I have a legitimate question: What type of person buys the mid-octane gas? In America, we're sold three octane levels of gas at the pump; 87, 89 and 92 (or…
-
I had a once in a lifetime deal pass my way the other day and I felt the need to tell you about it. If you had a chance to…
-
I'm 36. I've been in love more than once and I've done my fair share of traveling. I've been to Disney World, I've seen the Grand Canyon, and I've partied…
-
Painted Fingernails
I love painted fingernails on a woman. Simply put. There's just something about it that gives a woman that something extra special. It makes her more feminine,…
-
Yesterday, I talked about how accident prone I've been in my life and I just thought I'd share a little of what I've been through. I think that once you…
|
|
| |
|
Written by Ross Cavins
|
|
Thursday, 30 August 2007 05:49 |
|
That pretty much sums up the thought patterns of a typical American man. Oh sure, there are males who think differently, but this is what American MEN think about 90% of the time.
I've preached this a thousand times but it's so true. It's designed in our genetic code. Most of our thoughts can be broken down into one or more of the above building blocks. Beer, Sports and Porn.
Beer covers everything to do with food and beverages. If it's a hamburger, we're thinking of that Heineken we'll have with it. If we've opted for a Diet Coke instead, we're still pretending it's a brew. Even if you don't see a drink, we're wishing we had one.
Parties = beer. Dinner = beer. Dinner Parties = beer.
 Beer, Sports and Porn.
Porn consumes as much as 80% of our thoughts at any given time. Even if we're thirsty for a beer at a sports game, we're thinking of porn. Porn in the form of sex, internet pictures, spying on the neighbor sunbathing topless, checking out every woman in every room every day of our waking lives. Cleavage is a big part of this. The well-known study says that men think of sex on average of every three minutes.
Wrong. Try twenty-eight seconds. I timed it.
If we're around a female, we're thinking about it. Constantly.
What would she look like with no shirt? No pants? In garters? Sitting down? With knee socks? With her hair up? Picking up that paper she just dropped? With a beer in her hand and no bra on? With pigtails? With a riding crop?
It doesn't matter if she's butt-ugly or super sexy, eighteen or fifty-eight, we can't help but think these things. It's not a conscious decision, these thoughts just pop in there and it happens so much we don't even realize it.
We could meet a perfect stranger in a business setting and before we've shaken hands, we've undressed her and tried out three positions. And it is a proven fact: men and women can't just be friends.
Oh, women can, but men can't. We think about our friend-girls like that more than our girlfriends. We crave the unattainable and fantasize constantly about what-if scenarios.
Bosses? Subordinates? Co-workers? Fuhgedd-about-it.
They're all fair game for our mental undressing. It's not a pathological habit, it's genetically coded into every fiber of our being. It's somewhere on the Y chromosome; we'll find it one day.
Beer, sports and porn.
Once a woman accepts all this, she is on her way to being at ease around men. They are constants and should be treated as such, because like death and taxes (and peanut butter), they will always be there.
|
|
| |
 |
|
|
|
|
