|
| |
|
“You are one funny dude.” - S. Milton, some guy I know
|
| |
|
|
|
-
Yeah, you heard me right: Dre not as good as Cube. I overheard this the other day out in public. I don't know about you but I didn't need to…
-
Four hours ago, my leasing office was robbed. There were two guys. The tall one pointed a gun at my face while the other told me not to say anything…
-
I was hanging out with a bunch of guys watching the US Open on television the other week. We were watching the women's game (no comment) between Venus Williams and…
-
I was young once, and with youth comes stupidity. Complete and utter stupidity, especially in your thoughts. I could usually hide this pretty well as long as I kept my…
-
It's true. The world's spelling acuity, and America's in particular, has suffered immensely due to one major reason. The advent of the Internet.
This new medium has single-handedly opened…
-
Dangerous LuggageI caught the ass end of a movie on cable today. I don't remember the name of it but it doesn't matter. What I want to point out is…
-
Steven Seagal isone of the worst action movie heros of all time (apologies to Chuck Norris). Every movie of his is the same plot with the same moves and the…
-
Hallowee, a license to pretend.Halloween is probably the funnest holiday ever invented. Not only is it during the best time of the year, Autumn, but it is mandatory to be…
-
Who the hell's he talking to?No, this isn't about a stupid cell phone commercial where a chubby geeky guy walks around saying the stupid catch-phrase into a dummy phone. (Side…
-
I have a legitimate question. Why can't food stains be pretty? One day, you're sitting there minding your own business, eating a perfectly good chili burger and when you bring…
|
|
| |
|
Written by Ross Cavins
|
|
Monday, 24 September 2007 01:16 |
|
I have some simple advice. And since I've been married twice and freely admit to my mistakes, you can take it for what it's worth. I can safely say that even though both marriages ended in divorce, I learned a lot during those relationships. One tidbit I've gleaned is to always, no matter what, use separate bathrooms.
Marriage is a solemn vow between two people to spend the rest of their lives together, till death do they part (or one party changes her mind, whichever comes first). During a marriage, you share everything with each other.
Holidays. Ambitions. Desires. Goals. Housework. Pepperoni pizzas from the place down the street when neither of you feels like cooking.
And a bathroom.
 The American Bathroom
You know what's going to happen afterwards, but neither of you talk about it. You concentrate on the meal and forget about the bodily function that results an hour later.
It's not pretty and God didn't design it to be. He gave us the concept of separate bathrooms for a reason.
The first rule I learned as an adolescent boy was that girls only went to the bathroom to pee. Nothing much else. They fixed their hair, they freshened up their makeup, they shared stories about boys. But they didn't do anything else and they most certainly didn't make noise when they did it.
Girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice. That saying proves they don't do that. Boys are made from snakes and snails and puppy dog tails. Okay, whatever that means, stupid American saying messing with the flow of my story.
The point is, men and women have separate bathrooms in public places. For a good reason. And they should at home too. I personally believe it would decrease the divorce rate by at least twenty percent. Maybe thirty.
Your wife doesn't want to hear, see or smell what you do after you've processed a plate of refried beans and Mexican chiles. It comes out of you and even you don't want anything to do with it. So why not keep it as private as you can? Not even a powerful bathroom exhaust fan can clear the effects of Mexican food in less than half an hour.
And trust me here. As a man, you never, ever, ever want to destroy the perfect perception you hold of your wife by strolling into the bathroom after her to find a stopped-up toilet and an odor that melts your chest hair.
There's no need to say any more. Separate bathrooms. Period.
|
|
| |
 |
|
|
|
|
