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“Uh ... no.” - Michelle P., a friend, when I wanted a real kiss on New Year's Eve
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It's the new millennium and has been for quite a few years. The definition of what constitutes a man is being rewritten on a daily basis. Not only is he…
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The Fading LPThe world is constantly evolving. It is inevitable; all that is now, will be no more. Traditions are but man's futile attempts to preserve a way of life. …
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Cute and Cuddly Gismo. Wus.When I was younger, much younger, the movie " Gremlins " was released. I was twelve when we went to see it in the theatre…
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The other day, I was visiting with my parents and my Mom exclaimed with the fervor of a teenager that she found a six dollar store. A six dollar store? …
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I was born in 1971 and I was given my first album in the late seventies. And it was an actual album, not an 8-track or a tape cassette (CDs…
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Hallowee, a license to pretend.Halloween is probably the funnest holiday ever invented. Not only is it during the best time of the year, Autumn, but it is mandatory to be…
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This past Sunday night, I ate dinner at my parent's house. Also in attendance were my sister and her new husband. It was a simple dinner of grilled hot dogs…
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I pulled up to Becky's place in my Mustang and lightly tapped the horn, as she'd asked me to do. I waited. And waited. The house wasn't in the best…
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I've been married twice, to two completely different women. Number One was 5-5, long blond hair, green eyes, curvy, smart, from West Palm Beach with a strong Catholic upbringing and…
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So I had a yard sale with my parents and my sister this past weekend. I know what you're thinking, in October? Don't worry, the weather was a brisk 60…
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Monday, 04 February 2008 03:43 |
 Diet Mountain Dew
It was the day I traded in my Mountain Dew for Diet Mountain Dew. That fateful moment in history when I surrendered to the fact that my metabolism wasn't what it used to be.
I was sad that day as I realized my youth was truly gone. A 12-ounce can of Coke has the same amount of sugar as 2 candy bars. Isn't that amazing? The moment I compared the two, it became painfully obvious that my soda days as I knew them were over. My eyes had opened. There was no going back.
So I made a commitment to drink diet sodas 99.9% of the time I had to have that effervescent carbonation, no matter how nasty the diet drinks tasted. It was a paradigm shift in my thinking and a major lifestyle change (considering my addiction to Mountain Dew). I felt like a politician switching from liberal Democrat to conservative Republican. The whole world completely upended.
It probably took a month before that diet drink after-taste melted into nothing but a memory. It was a rough time because before my epiphany, diet drinks were the scourge of the liquid refreshment world. They tasted funny and the only people who bought them were fatties and women.
You wouldn't catch me dead drinking a diet cola.
Oh well, if anyone needs me, I'll be at the grocery store, buying some Diet Mountain Dews, Lean Cuisines and Tampax.
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