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“Go get me the paper stretcher.” - My Dad, getting rid of me at age 15
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*not actual nephew I learned something this past weekend that disturbs me. My four year old nephew Joey has a big schlong. It's so big that it gets talked about. …
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The property management place where I work is moving offices and I was put in charge of coordinating all the utilities and services migration. In other words, I had to…
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I have a legitimate question: What type of person buys the mid-octane gas? In America, we're sold three octane levels of gas at the pump; 87, 89 and 92 (or…
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About twenty years ago, I went to an old soda shop style restaurant in downtown Burlington named Zack's. Their main fare was hot dogs and Cokes in ten ounce glass…
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William H. Macy
I have one thing to say about the man, every movie he's in is good. It's that simple. He doesn't pick bad roles or bad movies. …
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In days long gone, the dinner table served as a gathering place for families. It was the social gathering site where the day was recounted over a hot cooked meal,…
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Kids always find ways to rebel against older generations. They do it through music and art and hair styles and more obviously, through clothing fashions. For instance, do you tuck…
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There are two kinds of toilet paper: the good stuff and the other stuff. The good stuff is fluffy and squeezably soft while the other stuff is scratchy and noticably…
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Dishwater Johnson is a guy everyone knows. We see him everywhere. In a McDonald's drive-thru paying with a hundred. At a construction site with his hat on backwards. In a…
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I heard someone talking yesterday about how this pastor and his church owned half a city block and had a membership of more than five thousand people. By "Big City"…
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Sunday, 10 August 2008 19:00 |
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 "Housesitter" ran on TBS this past weekend (written in mid-July). I kept the sound off while I tried to write about different things. I read through the paper where it talked about Toyota building its Prius here in the U.S. That's not funny.
I read where investors fear that a bailout for Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac may be inevitable. I've been saying that for years, that's what happens when you have half the nation's mortgages owned by government-chartered "public" companies. Since your home is the single largest investment most of us have, that's basically like trusting government employees to handle your retirement portfolio. Oh wait, that's called social security, right? Again, not funny.
Wachovia's new CEO walked into the company at the same point the bank's stock hit a 17-year low. That's surprising? A bank whose pet name is "Walk-All-Over-Ya" is having problems with its stock price? Maybe First Union should have bought them instead. Again, not funny news.
In fact, I could find nothing funny in the paper to write about at all. I finally turned to the "Local" section, thinking maybe someone else's pathetic life would be funny. Perhaps a report on how the family of goats down the road ate their owner's laundry? Or yet another story on how some schmuck's well keeps pumping his sewage back into the yard because the water table's wrong? Or maybe a special insert on how some farmer is burning cow shit to generate his own electricity?
Nope, nothing. Not one single funny item ... until I found an article entitled, "A Little Bit Of Laughter Goes Long Way At Job." But despite the promise, this article was far from funny. The writer's picture was funnier than the words written. Pathetic. I didn't even crack a smile. All it did was hawk a stupid book.
Throughout all this, I kept looking up at the TV, watching Steve Martin and Goldie Hawn mouth their words and pantomime their actions. Even on mute, Steve Martin is funny. Goldie Hawn too. And she's hot. Screw writing something funny today, I'm going to watch TV.
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