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“Your job is being outsourced.” - American Express, 3 months after being hired by them
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I don't remember just how old I was, probably around seven or eight. We had taken a family vacation to the beach and were staying with my aunt and uncle. …
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Yeah, you heard me right: Dre not as good as Cube. I overheard this the other day out in public. I don't know about you but I didn't need to…
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The First Knuckle Method.You've seen these people. We all have. The people that engage in some good old fashioned public booger mining.
That's my politically correct term for nose…
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I have a legitimate question: What type of person buys the mid-octane gas? In America, we're sold three octane levels of gas at the pump; 87, 89 and 92 (or…
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Can you blame me for adding stuff to it?By the time anyone reads this, I'll have been through the experience and we can all laugh about it. But right now,…
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I was talking with a friend the other day and he suddenly turned to me and said, "Do you smell that?" My instinctive reaction was to say, "It wasn't me,"…
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I had a dream last night, of a girl. A girl I'd had a crush on since elementary school. We all have that girl (or guy), the one we noticed…
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Hackwriters.com published another of my stories, a creative non-fiction piece based on a true story. You may go HERE to read it. ...
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I belong to this company that pays you to accept email ads. It's not too annoying and right now, I have $76 built up in my account. With all the…
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I don't look this gay.First, The Great Cereal Blog (part 1) Remember when you were a kid and it was a big deal to go to the grocery store? …
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Friday, 29 June 2007 19:00 |
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I have no ass. At all. I'm 35 and my ass has left me flatter than my mattress. It just took off one day without writing or saying goodbye.
 I Have No Ass
It's not so bad a thing to have, not as bad as the going bald thing men have to put with, God's little joke. He seems to have quite a few funnies in store for us as we get older. All sorts of things pop up on our body that we'd never seen before, much less even heard of.
I now have little blood blisters, tiny little red dots, at various spots all over me. I'm told (yet to verify) that they're places where the arteries have surfaced to the top of the skin, like there wasn't enough room among all the fat or something. Anyone have any ideas here?
But thing with my ass vanishing, this sorta bothers me. I need my ass. I sit a lot, in front of my computer, in front of the TV, in the car, at the ass clinic. So what am I gonna do if it completely leaves? How will my pants stay up? Tighter belt? Believe me, it's as tight as it's gonna go. My dad used to tell me I was taking gone-ass pills and I always laughed. Not laughing now. I have my dad's non-ass.
Of course, there is a slight upside ... as women get older, their asses sag. Men's just disappear so I guess if I had a choice ...
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