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“What a loser.” - Anthony, the bully in grade school
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Let's pretend for a moment that history was different, or that Dan Brown and the conspiracy theorists were right. Let's play with the idea that Jesus married Mary Magdelene. All…
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I clicked on a thing the other day and was taken to the Samsung webpage for some front-loading washers. Beautiful page. Bad English. And bad ad copy.
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Everyone remembers a couple bullies from their school years. But there's usually one in particular that always stands out. He was the meanest, snottiest excuse for a human being on…
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Well, I thought I'd try something a little different this week. My bio and profile on other sites always talks about my cat and how awesome he is (but whiny)…
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I admit it, I'm abnormal when it comes to safety. I don't know if it's because of nature or nurture, but for some reason, whenever there's a hint of danger,…
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Over Is Right, Under Is Wrong
Just the other day, I had to change toilet paper rolls in two of our three bathrooms. I didn't realize it at the…
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Kids nowadays, they got it made. When I say kids, I mean little humans under the age of seven. The ones who are excited about going to school because homework…
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Thursday, 12 July 2007 03:54 |
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I was eating chicken with a friend the other day, just shooting the breeze and enjoying a nice leisurely meal. He's not necessarily an odd guy, grooms himself decently enough, has a nice tan, a beautiful wife, etc. But there are some odd things about him. For one, he raises exotic animals, like tigers and stuff. He also walks with a bit of a stoop and quotes the Bible like it's a sports team's stats.
Now, none of this makes him a bad guy, he's a pretty good guy actually. From what I can tell. But you know how that goes, we all have our secrets we don't let just anyone know. For instance, I shave in the shower. Not a big deal but it's not something I would tell someone in a job interview, you know?
 Not the actual chicken leg.
I finish with my breast and put it back in the empty box they all came in, that's when I notice my bones are the only ones in the box. I look up and see Paul sticking the leg in his mouth like he's giving blowjob lessons, then he sucks off the whole end of the leg just like in a cartoon! I mean, he gets all the cartilidge and grissle and everthing, there's nothing but bone left.
(insert blowjob boner joke here)
Well, I hit my next piece while trying not to stare at this guy eating all that stuff that's not really supposed to be eaten. And just when I think my surprises are done, he sticks that bone in between his molars and bites down, snapping off a small portion. Then, like it's a piece of hard candy, he just starts chomping and grinding it up. He's eating the fucking chicken bone! What the hell?
I know at this point, I'm staring but I no longer care. This guy's eating a whole chicken bone and I can't believe my eyes. I'm killing my next piece, a thigh, in the normal fashion (meat and crunchy skin only), and he sits there slowly eating this entire chicken bone. There was absolutely no waste. I swear. I don't even remember if he used a napkin or slurped the grease off his fingers. At that point, it didn't matter, did it?
Have you ever seen something like this? From anything other than a pet cat or dog? I haven't or maybe I just don't get out much. I guess, like the old saying, this guy really was raised in a barn, huh? Maybe that's why he has exotic animals instead of normal ones? I have no answers, only more questions.
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