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“Are you stupid?” - some kid at Sears
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I have no ass. At all. I'm 35 and my ass has left me flatter than my mattress. It just took off one day without writing or saying goodbye....
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Stress is one of those realities of life that we all experience. Whether it's stress on our job or stress in our relationships, eventually this harbinger affects us all. It's…
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My parents are getting older. They're in their sixties now. While that's still relatively young by today's standards, they can't do things like they used to.
Every time I…
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I've written about how our nation's spelling acuities have decreased since the advent of the internet. As a people, we spell bad. Real bad. But something that often…
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What is it with this going bald thing? Aren't you supposed to get your bald pattern from your mother's father? Until a few years ago, I used to feel good…
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We are the children. We are the ones who make a brighter day so let's start giving. That's how the song goes and even though tons of stars banded together…
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People can be divied into two types and it seems as if most women belong to that one group I don't. You know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about…
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About twenty years ago, I went to an old soda shop style restaurant in downtown Burlington named Zack's. Their main fare was hot dogs and Cokes in ten ounce glass…
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One for every mood.All men eventually experience that first time in the condom aisle. Be it in the local drug store or the 7-11 down the street, we've all had…
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Stacy's Mom - Rachel Hunter.MILF. A term I believe was made widely popular by the movie American Pie . It means Mother-I'd-Love-to-Fornicate. The F doesn't really stand for…
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Monday, 17 September 2007 01:12 |
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I was hanging out with a bunch of guys watching the US Open on television the other week. We were watching the women's game (no comment) between Venus Williams and Jelena Jankovic when one of the guys said, "Man, I'm getting tired of all these foreigners coming over here and stealing our sports."
I looked over at him but said nothing. He continued, "When they gonna learn tennis is our sport and we're the best at everything."
That prompted me to say something derogatory. "John," I said, "please stop being such a redneck."
He looked at me in a redneck way, throwing out redneck vibes in waves, then said, "What're you talkin' about?"
 Venus Williams losing at the US Open
"And second, we are not the best in everything. We're pretty much the best in the American sports like baseball and basketball but at everything else, we're just merely good."
"Cain't nobody touch us at football," he countered, a lump of chewing tobacco in his lower lip.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. "John, nobody else even plays football except Canada and come on, they're Canadians. They can't score unless they're wearing skates." The hockey joke went way over his head. In fact, most of the conversation did. "Tell me something, John, who's the top player in men's tennis?"
Another redneck deer-in-the-headlights look.
I continued, "Roger Federer, that's who, and guess what? He's not American, he's Swiss, from Switzerland." I added that last part because I wasn't sure he knew who the Swiss were, except the people who made those pocket knives and snack cakes.
"Tiger Woods is American." This was the best come back he had. I felt sorry for him.
Tiger Woods is a phenomenon, he's not human. But how could I explain that to him? And the fact that America lost the Ryder's cup five out of the last six times would escape him. In fact, if I mentioned the Ryder's cup, he'd probably counter with something about the FedEx Bowl or UHAUL All-Star game. I just shook my head and turned back to the TV.
Sometimes it just doesn't pay to explain things to a redneck.
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