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“Go get me the paper stretcher.” - My Dad, getting rid of me at age 15
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After succumbing to the inevitable metabolism death, I underwent The Great Diet Switch . Since that fateful day when I swore off regular sodas, I have rarely to…
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That pretty much sums up the thought patterns of a typical American man. Oh sure, there are males who think differently, but this is what American MEN think about 90%…
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My Dad Wears Mandals I remember when the Mandals craze began. At least I remember when it crept upon my family and took my dad hostage in its thorny little…
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Zweibrucken translates to “two bridges,” and is a city about 15 minutes south of Schmitshausen, near the border to France. It’s a small town with some attractions of a larger…
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Dear Arby's,
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So I had a yard sale with my parents and my sister this past weekend. I know what you're thinking, in October? Don't worry, the weather was a brisk 60…
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Monday, 04 February 2008 03:43 |
 Diet Mountain Dew
It was the day I traded in my Mountain Dew for Diet Mountain Dew. That fateful moment in history when I surrendered to the fact that my metabolism wasn't what it used to be.
I was sad that day as I realized my youth was truly gone. A 12-ounce can of Coke has the same amount of sugar as 2 candy bars. Isn't that amazing? The moment I compared the two, it became painfully obvious that my soda days as I knew them were over. My eyes had opened. There was no going back.
So I made a commitment to drink diet sodas 99.9% of the time I had to have that effervescent carbonation, no matter how nasty the diet drinks tasted. It was a paradigm shift in my thinking and a major lifestyle change (considering my addiction to Mountain Dew). I felt like a politician switching from liberal Democrat to conservative Republican. The whole world completely upended.
It probably took a month before that diet drink after-taste melted into nothing but a memory. It was a rough time because before my epiphany, diet drinks were the scourge of the liquid refreshment world. They tasted funny and the only people who bought them were fatties and women.
You wouldn't catch me dead drinking a diet cola.
Oh well, if anyone needs me, I'll be at the grocery store, buying some Diet Mountain Dews, Lean Cuisines and Tampax.
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 My Dad Wears Mandals
My Dad Wears Mandals I remember when the Mandals craze began. At least I remember when it crept upon my family and took my dad hostage in its thorny little grip. It was the year 2000.
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Can you blame me for adding stuff to it?By the time anyone reads this, I'll have been through the experience and we can all laugh about it. But right now, the pain is tearing my insides out an [ ... ]
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