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“You call that six inches?” - Sharon, my first real girlfriend
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In the American South, we are raised with manners as a matter of breeding. We are taught to hold open doors for complete strangers, help those in need and say…
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Can you blame me for adding stuff to it?By the time anyone reads this, I'll have been through the experience and we can all laugh about it. But right now,…
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I have some simple advice. And since I've been married twice and freely admit to my mistakes, you can take it for what it's worth. I can safely say that…
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The Original Rudolph BookletThe song of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer dates from 1939, when the Chicago-based Montgomery Ward company asked one of their copywriters to come up with a Christmas…
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I was talking with a friend the other day and he suddenly turned to me and said, "Do you smell that?" My instinctive reaction was to say, "It wasn't me,"…
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I'm thirty-nine years old and I still think of myself as twenty-something. I have a feeling this is what the old saying about being "young at heart" hints toward. …
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Okay, here's the deal: My office was broken into over the 4th of July holiday. My computer, my brand new Dell computer, was stolen along with all my personal stuff…
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People can be divied into two types and it seems as if most women belong to that one group I don't. You know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about…
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Nascar is the biggest sport in America, believe it or not, and its roots originated here in the South. Illegal moonshiners in the mountains would spend their time and money…
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Okay, first, if you're looking for actual scientific data, you're looking in the wrong place. I'm totally pulling all this stuff out of my rear but since my rear has…
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Monday, 04 February 2008 03:43 |
 Diet Mountain Dew
It was the day I traded in my Mountain Dew for Diet Mountain Dew. That fateful moment in history when I surrendered to the fact that my metabolism wasn't what it used to be.
I was sad that day as I realized my youth was truly gone. A 12-ounce can of Coke has the same amount of sugar as 2 candy bars. Isn't that amazing? The moment I compared the two, it became painfully obvious that my soda days as I knew them were over. My eyes had opened. There was no going back.
So I made a commitment to drink diet sodas 99.9% of the time I had to have that effervescent carbonation, no matter how nasty the diet drinks tasted. It was a paradigm shift in my thinking and a major lifestyle change (considering my addiction to Mountain Dew). I felt like a politician switching from liberal Democrat to conservative Republican. The whole world completely upended.
It probably took a month before that diet drink after-taste melted into nothing but a memory. It was a rough time because before my epiphany, diet drinks were the scourge of the liquid refreshment world. They tasted funny and the only people who bought them were fatties and women.
You wouldn't catch me dead drinking a diet cola.
Oh well, if anyone needs me, I'll be at the grocery store, buying some Diet Mountain Dews, Lean Cuisines and Tampax.
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