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“Uh ... no.” - Michelle P., a friend, when I wanted a real kiss on New Year's Eve
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The lungs provide our bodies with life-giving oxygen. The heart pumps our blood, the kidneys filter our system, the eyes provide visual representations of the world around us. We've even…
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NOTE: Please read Part 1 first. The little deal that was too good to be true, really was. Last week, the woman who offered that deal, was…
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I admit it, I'm abnormal when it comes to safety. I don't know if it's because of nature or nurture, but for some reason, whenever there's a hint of danger,…
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Blame it on the Producer.Back in the spring of 1989 when Milli Vanilli released their smash Album, Girl You Know It's True, a friend of mine introduced them to me. …
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After succumbing to the inevitable metabolism death, I underwent The Great Diet Switch . Since that fateful day when I swore off regular sodas, I have rarely to…
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I was talking with some friends last night and the topic turned to the best water we'd ever had. One guy said he took a drink out of a fountain…
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There are two kinds of toilet paper: the good stuff and the other stuff. The good stuff is fluffy and squeezably soft while the other stuff is scratchy and noticably…
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I had a once in a lifetime deal pass my way the other day and I felt the need to tell you about it. If you had a chance to…
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My friend Jeff and I were heading out for burgers when he pulled the top of his boxers out of his pants and said, "You know how long I've had…
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Nascar is the biggest sport in America, believe it or not, and its roots originated here in the South. Illegal moonshiners in the mountains would spend their time and money…
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Thursday, 28 February 2008 08:53 |
 The First Knuckle Method.
That's my politically correct term for nose picking. I call it booger mining. Ingenious, huh? Conjures up visions of midgets with hardhats and lanterns, singing camp songs as they descend into the depths of a nasal cavity for another toiling day of mining. For boogers.
These people I speak of, they pick their noses in public. On the street. In a car. In a deli. In a bar.
My Dr. Seuss impersonation.
These public booger miners either a) don't care if you see them digging out a juicy green gob of goo, or b) don't realize anyone is watching them stick their finger in up to the first knuckle.
They think they have a personal shield around them that renders their actions invisible. Like going the speed limit in a car means no one can see them digging around for that slimy one that you can never really get a good grip on because there's no true nucleus. It's just a smushy gelatinous glob of mucus that squishes under your finger, then surrounds it like you're starring in a sci-fi movie.
These people think that once they get the elusive offender out, they can flick it away or wipe it on a hidden portion of their pants (or dress) and it never happened. Like it didn't count or something.
Like the five second rule when you drop a candy bar on the ground. If you pick it up quick enough, it never occurred. You can still eat it because you got it before the germs had a chance to know it was there and latch on.
But then again, you've got snot on your fingers, so why the hell are you so damned worried about floor germs?
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 An American in Germany: Day Four (Chilling Out)
Today, we chilled, as per the title. We didn’t wake up until 9 AM, and even then we guzzled several cups of coffee before we even thought about what to do.
Shea and Drew had both gone to work tod [ ... ]
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 An American in Germany: Day Three (Grafenroda)
Day Three was filled with travel, lots of it. And by travel, I mean sitting on our asses in a car. That’s because we drove 4 hours to the birthplace of Gnomes: Grafenroda.
But first, we stopped [ ... ]
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