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“You're projecting.” - Wife Number Two, the Counselor
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This last weekend, I learned that peanut butter prices rose an average of 50% since last year, because the drought decimated the peanut crop. It was the first time I'd…
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That pretty much sums up the thought patterns of a typical American man. Oh sure, there are males who think differently, but this is what American MEN think about 90%…
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It was the summer of '91 and the first time in my life since I'd began dating that I found myself alone. I just came off an engagement break-up and…
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After succumbing to the inevitable metabolism death, I underwent The Great Diet Switch . Since that fateful day when I swore off regular sodas, I have rarely to…
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I want to know something. Who invented the bathroom exhaust fan? I'll tell you, a genius, that's who. A veritable God among men. Whoever it was may have inadvertently saved…
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Kids nowadays, they got it made. When I say kids, I mean little humans under the age of seven. The ones who are excited about going to school because homework…
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Painted Fingernails
I love painted fingernails on a woman. Simply put. There's just something about it that gives a woman that something extra special. It makes her more feminine,…
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I was talking with my Mom and Dad the other day and I asked if they'd been to Savannah yet. My Mom said they hadn't and my Dad spoke up…
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Over Is Right, Under Is Wrong
Just the other day, I had to change toilet paper rolls in two of our three bathrooms. I didn't realize it at the…
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Recently, I entered my wife and I into a "Couple's Best" contest where you submit a 200 word story of how you met and people vote on the best story. …
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Wednesday, 27 June 2007 19:00 |
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People can be divied into two types and it seems as if most women belong to that one group I don't. You know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about Floor Dwellers. Yep, Floor Dwellers, you know who you are.
 Sexy Floor Dweller You're the people who can just plop down anywhere, anytime and be comfortable. You don't need a chair or a couch or even a beanbag (70s reference). You can sit Indian-style, right where you drop and be perfectly content. Carpet or hardwood or grass, it doesn't matter a bit. I'll never understand a Floor Dweller, and I've married two of them and dated countless more. When I sit on the floor, not only is it extremely uncomfortable, but my legs go numb and my feet turn purple and I have to constantly keep repositioning myself.
How do you do it? I don't get it. I'm lost.
Floor Dwellers just seem so content no matter what they're doing or where they are. I must admit, I'm a bit envious. And as my second wife (the Counselor) would tell me, I'm projecting. I totally understand that and I can dig it. But doesn't that contentedness they exhibit just piss you off sometimes?
I'm curious, and I'd love to see some statistics somewhere ... what's the percentage of Floor Dwellers to the rest of us? How does it break down with men and women? I feel a webpage coming on ...
Floor Dwelling should become some kind of secret society. You get a special ring and password and a special knock to enter clubs, where there's no furniture and you just sit and talk. Sit anywhere and talk about anything just because you're a Floor Dweller and you can.
And you know what's crazy? Floor Dwellers look good doing it. You could never have someone like me infiltrate your ranks, you'd know I didn't belong just as soon as I plopped down for my ceremonial sit and greet, and popped my knee out of joint with a loud crack. Not only do I look awkward sitting on the floor, but I'm not even sure you could call it sitting. When I sit on the floor, I more or less just occupy space with my body because gravity dictates it. And get cramps. I can't even sit upright when I'm on the floor, not without propping my hands up behind me in some goofy looking position.
Then my ass cheeks fall asleep. Followed by my hands. And I get dizzy. And then I lay down and look totally uncool.
But Floor Dwellers can sit properly, with their back straight, and smile a real honest-to-god smile. And mean it. I'm jealous. In my next life, I hope I'm a Floor Dweller.
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An American in Germany: Day Three (Grafenroda)
Day Three was filled with travel, lots of it. And by travel, I mean sitting on our asses in a car. That’s because we drove 4 hours to the birthplace of Gnomes: Grafenroda.
But first, we stopped [ ... ]
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An American in Germany: Day Five (Saarbrucken)
The first thing we did was visit the local garden shop (Hanns Gartnerie), where I finally bought my very own German gnome. I christened him Gordie. Â Gordie the German Garden Gnome.
He’s colorles [ ... ]
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