Ross Cavins Follow The Money Follow The Money
 
 
 

What a loser.

- Anthony, the bully in grade school
 

Home
Newest Blogs
Oldest Blogs
Short Stories
Movie Reviews
Book Reviews
Bad Poetry
Dirty Comics
Recommended Books
Recommended Music
Touch My Fridge
Shameless T-Shirts
About Me
Email Me!!!



HackWriters.com
USADeepSouth.com
SwillMagazine.com
HissQuarterly.com
Buran.it (Italian)
DeadMule.com

Chuck and Cletus 2.com
News Satire and Funny Photos.

 Subscribe in a reader





Scrivel.com
Humor-Blogs.com



Top Blogs
Blog Directory
Bloglisting.net - The internets fastest growing blog directory Find Blogs in the Blog
Directory


Blog Search Engine
The Humor Directory
Blog Flux Directory
HumorLinks
Blogging Fusion

spacer.png, 0 kB
  • Ass-Effects (Aciphex) may cause diarrhea. Ass-Effects, a real drug actually spelled "AcipHex," is a new drug from Eisai Company, Ltd., of Tokyo, Japan.  The drug's country of origin should explain…
  • I was born in America.  I was raised in America.  I possess a distinctly American belief system.  Therefore I'm a Native American by all sense of the term, right?  Then…


  • I clicked on a thing the other day and was taken to the Samsung webpage for some front-loading washers.  Beautiful page. Bad English. And bad ad copy.
  • I'm as tech-savvy as they come.  I've been a computer programmer for a major corporation, I've been a head CIS guy, I've run my own businesses, including one where I…
  • I've got an idea for a game show, and only in America, the land of the TV zombies, could this work.  I call it "Old Clothing Roulette."

    Contestants would…
  • Among the many number of things I did wrong with my two wives, I did a great many correct.  It takes a lot to make a marriage work and outside…
  • I have some simple advice.  And since I've been married twice and freely admit to my mistakes, you can take it for what it's worth.  I can safely say that…
  • I had a birthday this past Thursday.  I turned 37.  Getting older means different things to different people.  Thirty-seven isn't a magic number by any means, to most people, but…
  • Okay, here's the deal:  My office was broken into over the 4th of July holiday.  My computer, my brand new Dell computer, was stolen along with all my personal stuff…
  • What is the definition of a fruit?  Dictionary.com defines it as "the edible part of a plant developed from a flower, with any accessory tissues."

    But…


 
     
The Floor Dwellers PDF Print E-mail
Written by Ross Cavins   
Wednesday, 27 June 2007 19:00

People can be divied into two types and it seems as if most women belong to that one group I don't.  You know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about Floor Dwellers.  Yep, Floor Dwellers, you know who you are.

Sexy Floor Dweller
Sexy Floor Dweller
You're the people who can just plop down anywhere, anytime and be comfortable.  You don't need a chair or a couch or even a beanbag (70s reference).  You can sit Indian-style, right where you drop and be perfectly content.  Carpet or hardwood or grass, it doesn't matter a bit.


I'll never understand a Floor Dweller, and I've married two of them and dated countless more.  When I sit on the floor, not only is it extremely uncomfortable, but my legs go numb and my feet turn purple and I have to constantly keep repositioning myself.


How do you do it?  I don't get it.  I'm lost.


Floor Dwellers just seem so content no matter what they're doing or where they are.  I must admit, I'm a bit envious.  And as my second wife (the Counselor) would tell me, I'm projecting.  I totally understand that and I can dig it.  But doesn't that contentedness they exhibit just piss you off sometimes?  


I'm curious, and I'd love to see some statistics somewhere ... what's the percentage of Floor Dwellers to the rest of us?  How does it break down with men and women?  I feel a webpage coming on ...


Floor Dwelling should become some kind of secret society.  You get a special ring and password and a special knock to enter clubs, where there's no furniture and you just sit and talk.  Sit anywhere and talk about anything just because you're a Floor Dweller and you can.


And you know what's crazy?  Floor Dwellers look good doing it.  You could never have someone like me infiltrate your ranks, you'd know I didn't belong just as soon as I plopped down for my ceremonial sit and greet, and popped my knee out of joint with a loud crack.  Not only do I look awkward sitting on the floor, but I'm not even sure you could call it sitting.  When I sit on the floor, I more or less just occupy space with my body because gravity dictates it.  And get cramps.  I can't even sit upright when I'm on the floor, not without propping my hands up behind me in some goofy looking position.


Then my ass cheeks fall asleep.  Followed by my hands.  And I get dizzy.  And then I lay down and look totally uncool.


But Floor Dwellers can sit properly, with their back straight, and smile a real honest-to-god smile.  And mean it.  I'm jealous.  In my next life, I hope I'm a Floor Dweller.


 

 
 
spacer.png, 0 kB
spacer.png, 0 kB
   
RCG Hosting - admin - Copyright © 2007-2010 Ross Cavins