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“You call that six inches?” - Sharon, my first real girlfriend
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*not actual nephew I learned something this past weekend that disturbs me. My four year old nephew Joey has a big schlong. It's so big that it gets talked about. …
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Steven Seagal isone of the worst action movie heros of all time (apologies to Chuck Norris). Every movie of his is the same plot with the same moves and the…
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Growing up, I was kind of a goody-two-shoes. I really never did anything wrong. I was only grounded once (a story for another time). I lived my mischievousness out vicariously…
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Over Is Right, Under Is Wrong
Just the other day, I had to change toilet paper rolls in two of our three bathrooms. I didn't realize it at the…
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I know this seems to be a recurring motif, but in my younger years, I wasn't too swift. Oh sure, I had my IQ points and I did well in…
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Stress is one of those realities of life that we all experience. Whether it's stress on our job or stress in our relationships, eventually this harbinger affects us all. It's…
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I was talking with my Mom and Dad the other day and I asked if they'd been to Savannah yet. My Mom said they hadn't and my Dad spoke up…
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Nascar is the biggest sport in America, believe it or not, and its roots originated here in the South. Illegal moonshiners in the mountains would spend their time and money…
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Who the hell's he talking to?No, this isn't about a stupid cell phone commercial where a chubby geeky guy walks around saying the stupid catch-phrase into a dummy phone. (Side…
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On my away home yesterday, a small sign caught my eye. "Church For Sale." It was in front of a little brick church with browning grass and sparse landscaping. It…
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Written by Ross Cavins
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Monday, 27 August 2007 02:40 |
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I've got an idea for a game show, and only in America, the land of the TV zombies, could this work. I call it "Old Clothing Roulette."
Contestants would bring clothes to the studio from all years of their adult life, along with their high school yearbook photos. Based on those photos and know the other contestant's current age, they would place blind bets on whether or not clothes from certain years would still fit. The close to today's time, the less the odds on winning. The older the clothes, the more you could win.
 Bellbottoms from Hell.
If the contestant can get their clothes on, they win the money bet. Otherwise, the other contestant wins. Each player starts the game with the same amount of money and play continues in a stock market fashion. They can bet as little or as much as they want on the odds they wish.
And here's the kicker, the contestants have to change right there on the stage.
Okay, upon further review, this idea totally sucks. It's in bad taste and utterly stupid, and it really wouldn't be that entertaining. I'd maybe watch it once, just for the shock value, then I'd be happy for a rerun of The Addam's Family. I mean, besides the fun of watching a fat guy trying to squeeze into some thirty year old pants that are six inches too small. Or maybe some woman with Double-D's pushing the limits of a twenty year old blouse, straining the buttons till they're ready to pop. What else would there be?
Sadly, based on the above formula (bad taste, utterly stupid, not entertaining), this is the type of show that would be a hit in America.
So please, let's forget the whole thing. Let's chalk it up to the late-night delusions of a wannabe writer who couldn't fit into an old pair of khakis. I know I'd gained a little weight but I love those pants.
And they weren't alone. I had a pair of jeans I tried on that I could wear if I never ate again. Of course, I'd need to grow my hair long and stringy, apply some eye shadow, rip up a few t-shirts and learn to play the electric guitar. But I could wear them.
You know, if I lost just 10-15 pounds, I'd have a whole new wardrobe and I could forget playing Old Clothing Roulette. I could just put on clothes like a normal person.
But where would the fun be in that?
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