"Shut up!" William blurted out. "Jesus Fucking Christ! Can't you two ever talk about anything important? Something that matters?"
Geoff and Phil looked at each other and played with their silverware.
"Her name's Anne," Geoff said motioning with his head. "Said so on her nametag. How old do you think she is?"
"Fuck! Who the fuck cares? Ask her out or don't. That's all there is to it. Jesus, change the fucking subject."
After a pause, Phil said, "Did you ever find out what was wrong with Jerry's computer?"
William closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He suddenly looked ten years older. "No, I didn't."
"Damn, you worked on it all morning."
"Yeah, I know that."
"What do you think it is?"
Williams stared at Phil before enunciating slowly, "If I knew what it was … I'd have fixed it by now."
"Man", Geoff began, "You really need a vacation. You know that?"
"No, I need the weekend to get here, now."
"I don't think the weekend will help, man. You're coming unglued at the seams."
Just then the waitress appeared with their lunches, handing them out with a smile.
"Anne?" William said and she smiled at him. "My friend Geoff here thinks that you're phat, as in really hot, and he's too chickenshit to ever get around to asking you out so I thought I'd help him this one time. Whaddya say?"
Her eyes grew big and her smile grew bigger as she cocked her head toward Geoff. He shrunk three inches.
"I'd love to," she finally said.
Geoff was silent, a stupid half-grin on his blanching face.
"He says how about tomorrow night? He'd love to take you out for dinner and a movie and maybe for drinks later."
"Sure, sounds great," she answered, still looking at Geoff.
"Geoff's thrilled, too. He wants you to leave your phone number on the check. And by the way, it's spelled G-E-O-F-F in case you're wondering."
She smiled and said okay. Another table waved for her and she said, "Anything else ya'll need?" Phil and William shook their heads and she turned to leave.
"Oh, Anne?" William said. "One more thing. Geoff here was wondering how old you were."
Geoff paled even more and he met her eyes as she said pertly, "Twenty-three. Is that fine?"
"I think so. I think that'll do just fine."
* * *
"I still can't believe you did that," Phil said, shaking his head. "That was crazy. You've truly lost it."
William slowed down for the light. "It wasn't that crazy. The boy needed help, I gave it to him. If I hadn't, he would have talked about asking her out for the next couple weeks. We'd have heard about her fat ass and groovy legs and everything else forever. I did it for us just as much as I did it for him."
Phil laughed. "I still can't figure out if he's mad at you or not. I've never seen him this quiet." Phil turned in his seat. "You alright back there, buddy?"
Geoff gave him the finger.
Phil laughed again. "Yeah, I saw him smirk. He's gonna be fine as soon as he comes out of shock." Phil turned back toward the front. "I can't figure out what possessed you to – whoa, look at that!"
William slowed the car and they all gawked.
"Shit. I'm glad that wasn't us." Geoff broke his silence and checked his seatbelt subconsciously.
"Damn, that looks like a head-on collision," Phil said. "Looks like that Explorer jumped the median and plowed right into the Civic."
"It's an Accord," said Geoff. "It looks like a Civic because it's all smashed up like a sardine can."
"An Accord? Yeah, I guess it is. Wow, that really could've been us."
William studied the wreck as they crept by it. The Accord looked to be the same color and probably even the same year as his. With one major difference. The driver's side was completely obliterated. William jerked his head away.
"What? What'd you see?" Phil asked, straining his neck to look out the back.
William didn't answer. He didn't want to think about what he'd seen. It was beyond description. He'd seen what was once the driver, reduced to a bloodied pulp of dismembered flesh. It wouldn't be an open casket service.
"What was it?" Phil asked again.
"Nothing, quit rubbernecking, I'm trying to concentrate here."
* * *
"Hey hon," Beth said as she closed the door behind her. "How was your day?"
William grabbed his wife around her waist when she entered the living room. He planted a honeymoon kiss on her and dropped his hands lower, getting a healthy handful.
"What the? What's gotten into you today?" she said laughing.
"What?" Beth leaned back. "You did what?" Her eyes were as sexy as ever.
"You smell wonderful, what's the name of this perfume?" William moved in and kissed her neck.
"Wait, wait. You quit? Quit what?" Beth struggled to get William's attention. "Quit carbs? Drinking?"
He shrugged. "I quit work."
"Honey, did something happen?" She ran her hand down the side of his face. She was so beautiful when she was concerned.
William puffed his cheeks out, then said, "Nope, nothing happened."
"Well … why? Why'd you quit?"