Samsung 5.0 cu. ft. Steam Washer

I clicked on a thing the other day and was taken to the Samsung webpage for some front-loading washers.  Beautiful page. Bad English. And bad ad copy.

To wit, I know that Samsung is a Chinese company but OMG.  They need to hire some English-speaking proofreaders, and pronto.

When you first go to the page:  SAMSUNG, there’s a huge graphic that switches between 4 different ads.  One of the ads proudly displays that when the amazing washing machine runs, “you’ll hardley know it’s on.”


I hardley even care now.

Then below, there are some reviews (all 5-star, of course), one in particular by a MRSIMMONS dated Sep 5, 2010.  This could easily be Mrs. Immons or Mr. Simmons so to belay that confusion, the entry begins with “I’m a guy.”

Thank God for that because I was already lost; the title of the review is “Doing Landry is Fun.”  Which could mean that Mr. Simmons is “really” into Tom Landry or has just gotten back from a booty call with none other than former Miss USA 1996, Ali Landry.

I’ll let you decide, because after all, he’s a guy.

Mr. Simmons’ entire review is here for your reading pleasure:  “I’m a guy and this washer saves me ton of time and I don’t mind doing my laundry. This washer gets everything clean from my dirty nasty clothes to my work attire and there is no smell and it very quiet. Once you get this washer you will love it.”

I’m glad there’s no smell, that would have been a deal-breaker for me.

And from the construction of Mr. Simmons’ sentences, it appears he may have had a hand in writing the ad copy.

One of the other ads in the big rotation claims that the washer is so big that it “Handles up to 31 towels in one load.”

Here’s a question: How often do the Chinese think we do landry?

THIRTY-ONE towels?  I don’t even think Mr. Simmons, with his dirty nasty clothes and work attire, uses that many towels before it’s time to wash them.  No wonder he’s so glad there’s no smell.

Does anyone actually own thirty-one towels?  I don’t even think I’ve owned thirty-one towels over the entire period of my life.

Are towels the measurement the Chinese use when building washers?  Have they abandoned the normal standards of measure?  Do they sell a dryer that fits thirty-one towels?

The washer also features 13 wash cycles.  How many cycles does one need to wash clothes?

Listen, I’m a guy and I turn that knob one of two places EVERY TIME I do the landry.  One is “heavy wash,” for my dirty nasty clothes, and one is “gentle wash,” for my thirty-one towels.

Why would I need THIRTEEN cycles?

Whew, I’m done ranting now.  I’ve washed all my landry and strangely, I’m hungry for some Chinese food.