Ausfahrt in German: Exit

Germany is six hours ahead of US Eastern time and one of the first things you learn about is jetlag. As I write this, it’s 2:38 am German time. We’ve already been to bed and gotten up. Having flown to the west coast, I thought I knew what jetlag was. I didn’t.

Jetlag is not just the concept of losing your place in time because you’re physically displaced on the earth, it’s more than that. It’s got something to do with jets’ air brakes. I’ll research this and get back to you.

I’ve also learned that Frankfurt is the armpit of Germany, much like our Newark, New Jersey. And Germany’s road system is even more atrocious than America’s deep south. Forget a road changing names four times within a mile; that’s nothing. It took us almost 45 minutes to navigate the labyrinth of roads around the airport just to get OUT of Frankfurt in the direction we wanted.

For a supposedly superior race, the Germans still haven’t grasped the concept and importance of easy-to-understand road signage.  We literally passed by the airport five times after leaving the wretched place.

Another thing I’ve learned is that my concept of “speeding” is ridonculous. The autobahn highways here are every bit as fast as Hollywood’s action movies depict. We were clipping along at a decent speed when a Porsche passed us so fast, the entire car shook. I’m not kidding. That Porsche had to be doing twice our speed, and we were going 130 kph (80 mph).

But I would have to say, the most fun we had on Day One was from the plethora of Ausfahrt signs.

Cue Beavis and Butthead impersonation: Uhhh … Beavis? Did you just see that sign? Did it say Ass Fart was to the right? Hehe … ass fart.  Uh … there’s another one. Hehe … ass fart.

Appropriately, “ausfahrt” means “exit.”

So you can imagine how many times we saw this sign on the autobahn. And you can imagine how many times I said, “Ass Fart.” I racked up more immature giggles in my first hour in Germany than I did in the entire second grade.

Other things I’ve learned in ADD-friendly-bullet form:

  • – Euros are so pretty I wonder if they’re actually real.
  • – Germans are meticulous with their lawn care and landscaping.
  • – German schnapps is actually a form of moonshine. I’ve got the burned-out esophagus to prove it.
  • – Germans pay 19% sales tax.
  • – German gas is going for 1.60 euros a liter, which at the moment, is about $7.60 a gallon. Ouch.
  • – Movies that planes heading to Europe shouldn’t show: Hostel and Hostel 2.