Will he talk to the IRS for me? I drive around town and see signs like "Jesus Loves You" and "Jesus Forgives" but my big question is, can he get some of tax debt forgiven?
Due to some screwed up business decisions in the past and some oversight at the hands of the all-mighty IRS, they say I owe them over $200,000 in taxes. I've sent them documentation that the number is more like $13,000 and some change. Irrefutable documentation. Like cancelled checks showing where that other $187,000 was already paid to them and they've obviously made the mistake of mis-applying the funds to someone else's business account.
But the IRS doesn't understand evidence that they themselves don't produce. They don't recognize the little guy's papers or proof, even when it comes directly from the bank. They won't listen to a taxpayer's pleas or even acknowledge their measly existence, except to extract money from their poor little trembling hands.
So here's my thing, I need someone to talk to Jesus and get him to intervene for me. You know, have a one-on-one with the IRS guys. I know he loves me, the Bible tells me so, along with a hundred million bumper stickers and t-shirts and bookmarks and church signboards. And I know he supposedly went and did that whole dying-on-the-cross thing for me. But what I need now is for one of you devoutly Christian people out there reading this to please ask Jesus, pray to him, send him an email … something … and see if he'll have a little heaven-and-hell sermon with the IRS. Maybe tell them he'll get his dad to release some of that wrath stuff if they don't straighten up? I'd really appreciate it, I'll put you in my will … if the IRS leaves me anything to give away.