By the time anyone reads this, I’ll have been through the experience and we can all laugh about it. But right now, the pain is tearing my insides out and I can’t keep liquids down. That’s right, yours truly is suffering from a bout of food poisoning.
I should never have put those “dubious” pepperoni on my frozen pizza last night. I do it all the time. I put extra cheese and pork product on there to “beef” it up. Pepperoni, roast beef, ham, etc. Any kind of cheese I have in the fridge. Then, when it’s cooked, I slather it with parmesan cheese and hot sauce.
So anyway, I’ve been up the last eight hours, expelling liquides from every orifice in my body. I’ve even shed tears in the worst moments. My body did not like what I put in it last night.
Or should I say, earlier this night?
Don’t worry, it’s not real bad … I’m just concerned about the dehydration. My cramps are minor; just enough to keep me awake and piss me off that I still ate that pepperoni even though some of them were discolored.
“I swear, your Honor, I picked all the putrid ones out and only ate the ones that still resembled the right color.”
Lessons learned the hard way.
My insurance will probably deny my claim saying that my “predilection towards pepperoni and other pork products constitutes a preexisting condition.” I shall never give up my bacon, though. Never!!
Let this be a learning experience for you all. If you have the question whether or not the food is good or bad, you’ve already answered the question.
All it takes is one miss and you’ll pay the Piper for all the times you came out lucky.